My wife, Vanessa, was born on May 5th, 1987 in Sydney, Australia. Mothers Day is always the 2nd Sunday of May. Because of these two facts, Vanessa’s birthday is always no more than 9 days before Mother’s Day. This year, it’s as close as it possibly can be — there are just 3 days between her birthday and Mothers Day.
This has always created a similar dynamic to the HappyBirthdayMerryChristmas that those with December birthdays get. Each year Vanessa and I have been together, I’ve tried to make a strong distinction between the gifts, parties, and dates that were for her birthday and for Mothers Day. This year is no different. But this year, I’m doing something quite different.
In addition to the traditional gifts, spa treatments, dates, and outings with the kids most husbands give their wives for both their birthdays and Mothers Day, I’m giving my wife a unique gift born out of one of my greatest strengths — this blog post.
Vanessa’s childhood was far from idyllic. The standard features of typical Western childhood were drastically distorted or completely absent. Most adults at some time or another look back at their childhood and mourn what they think they should have had — I wish my parents had stayed together, I wish my brother and I had gotten along, I wish my dad hadn’t been in the Navy and moved us around so much…and on the wistful regret often goes. The comforts most of us wish had been better Vanessa didn’t have at all.
And yet, as I intimated to a friend this week, Vanessa is the most emotionally healthy person I know, bar none. Not the most emotionally healthy considering what she’s been through — no. Vanessa maintains a level of self-awareness unsurpassed by anyone I’ve ever met. She is enormously in touch with her feelings and inordinately strong. She has been the pillar of our family as we’ve weathered some of life’s difficult storms.
Vanessa detects disingenuousness faster and more efficiently than anyone I’ve ever met. She has a highly attuned B.S.-o-meter, as I call it. It’s extremely tough to pull a fast one on Vanessa. And, yet, people try. She has exposed hypocrisy, shadiness, and sliminess in others long before it was known to the general public. On several occasions, I’ve remarked how I thought Person A or Person B was so nice or so genuine and she has responded with, “I don’t know what it is, there’s just something about him I don’t like.” She has been wrong so rarely, I can’t remember a time.
Vanessa is the most fun wife to fight with that I can imagine. I don’t mean I enjoy fighting. We have our share of conflicts, as is true in all healthy relationships. I mean that, when we have conflicts, Vanessa rarely resorts to personal attacks, strawmen, red herrings and other ubiquitous devices of argument that most people so often resort to when the facts aren’t on their side. She articulates her feelings clearly and resolves conflict quickly — at least with the other party allows it.
Too many people in our lives withhold love as a means of punishment. It’s like they think they can change a person by emotionally abusing them. Vanessa loves lavishly, maybe even unreasonably. She gives people second, third, fiftieth, and 82nd chances. She so rarely withholds love it doesn’t bear mentioning.
Vanessa rebukes in love. She’s the first to call someone on their wrongs, especially when that person is willfully ignorant or unrepentant about them. She rebukes with integrity and refrains from making it personal. She’s willing to say the hard words that give people the gift of change.
Vanessa has a compassion for others that challenges me. She cares about people she’s just met and people she’s never met. She sees strangers in need and helps them, whether it’s lending her phone or looking after a wayward child until the parents can be located. She takes responsibility for the needs of others even though they’re not her problem.
Vanessa has an emotional sensitivity we should all desire. She cries during movies and sappy commercials. I, for one, am most glad because I’m finally not the only one! She loves Sunday afternoon Hallmark channel B-movies for their simplicity and traditional values.
Vanessa is an extremely talented and creative artist, using photography as an outlet of her talents. She sees photographs before they exist and has an unparalleled eye for a shot. She captures ephemeral moments and makes them some how appear more vibrant than real life.
Vanessa is the most exceptional mother I’ve ever seen. She demonstrates more patience, love, joy, perseverance, discipline, leadership, compassion, and kindness in one day than most of us will achieve in one lifetime. Her kids adore her and love having her as a mom. They don’t know how good they’ve got it.
Vanessa is a relic of a bygone era. She possess the character, passion, and purpose more typical of our grandparents’ generation. Yet God saw fit to put her on earth at this time in human history. I, for one, am grateful. The world needs more women like my wife. She’s the best wife a man could ever ask for and I’m blessed by God to be married to her.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. — Proverbs 18:22
Neon Garden 